“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”
Not feeling normal,
Not knowing what you want or need,
Being spent and not knowing how to change it.
We've all been there from time to time, it is normal in life. If it lasts a few hours, great. The voyage you went on was probably to find yourself anew. How can you pull yourself out of a place that seems to overtake your being, when you can't even think?
Return from being lost by understanding why you may have gotten lost in the first place. Being lost is simply receiving a message that you need to re-calculate your path in life.
Many people seem to wake up one day and all of a sudden they don't like their life anymore, or they can't figure out why they chose to work the job they are in, or why they live where they live. Have they been lost all those years, or did they just get lost overnight? Good question, that I cannot answer. Because the answer to that has so many variables. Usually in that type of situation a person has not been present in their life for whatever reason. Then, it isn't that they got lost all of a sudden, but usually it is that they became present all of a sudden.
What does it mean to be present in life? It means to actually know what you are doing, and why, and to know and understand how doing that is going to get you to an end goal. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not have that awareness, they do things out of habit without thinking and engaging, they are off daydreaming about something else and not even aware of what is going on in the present moment of their life. Then, all of a sudden, something happens that jolts them into their own reality and they look around and wonder why they are doing what they are doing.
I had a client several years ago who had been in the same job for 16 years and he had just become aware of the fact that it was boring and made him angry every time he was on his way to work. Through our sessions it came out that he started the job in the first place because his dad knew a guy, and he was given the job when he was 19-years-old. Then, after a year or two he seemed to just dropout of life. He had done nothing except go to work, get off work, stop at the deli, eat the same food and go home to watch the same TV shows each evening. His loneliest days were the weekend when he had nothing to do, cuz he couldn't go to work.
After some coaching he realized that he gave up on himself and pinned it on his dad wanting him to get a job when what he really wanted to do was to go to college and become a professional. When he realized that he couldn't get his dad to get onboard with his idea of him being a professional, he gave up and did what his dad told him to do, and there he sat for all those years. He found himself at age 35, sad, lonely and not sure what to do with what he had inadvertently created for his life.
Over the next several months he learned to see himself as valuable, then he discovered some things that he hadn't even realized made him happy about where he worked. As it turned out he asked the company management about changing jobs, they sent him to a training school and he very quickly changed jobs and began engaging in life in many new ways. He also found a life partner shortly after he found himself too. Last time I heard from him he was very happy and loved his life.
Are you engaged and contributing to your life, or is it happening around you and you are just a silent participant?
If the story of this man sounds like your story then you need to reach out for help. Ask a life coach to help you work through the things that are holding you back. I strongly advise seeking help and not trying to do it on your own, because sadly, in this situation, you are your own worst issue. You can not be the problem and the solution at the same time. Many times people in this kind of situation don't even know what they are missing. Because their life seems pretty normal to them, yet it is far from it.
The #1 key to success in this situation is that you need to be able to see yourself differently. You must be able to deserve happiness and success. Those who are stuck in this type of life are often so down on themself, usually from some issue from their past, that they are simply getting through each day rather than living. They have given up. When they have someone point out their life's benefits, and the things that they really do contribute to the world it helps them to change their perspective and begin to build self-respect, then it will build into self-esteem and eventually self-love.
The man is the example felt forced into his job by his dad when he was 19-years-old, but it was not the dad's fault that he was still doing the same thing 16 years later. That was his own fault, he gave up on himself. There are many reasons why people give up on themself and fall into habits that lead to this type of situation.
I often see is that people have expectations that are created by the media, their expectation often seem crazy to others, but to that person it is what they expect. Media does young people no favors these days, and it helps them to develop very bad habits. The electronic mental and emotional checkout that youth and many adults allow themself to get into is creating a situation of many people checking out of life and checking into their screen. When they wake up to their actual reality it might be years later.
I asked a 17-year-old that I am close to how many friends she has. She excitedly told me something in the range of 600. I asked her how they all get together with some many. She was puzzled. So I said "If you wanted to go to the movies and you wanted a friend to go with you, how many friends would you ask?" She said that she had 2 that she might ask, but probably not since she doesn't know what they do on the weekends and she wouldn't want to bother them by pulling them out of that. So I asked how many of those 600 friends does she know them personally, does she know the names of their parents, what their favorite color is, what their favorite food is. She looked very puzzled, and said that she didn't have any friends that she knew that sort of stuff about. I asked how many people she considered friends were people she had actually met and she said about 10.
What is this world coming to?
She was so proud of the fact that she has over 600 friends, yet she has no one to go see a movie with. That is shocking, yet perfectly normal to today's youth, and many young adults. That means that those people can not find company anywhere except their screen. So they can not be engaged in real life things. They are destined to be the guy in the first story because they can't even have a conversation without looking at a screen.
I asked the 17-year-old if she enjoyed that type of lifestyle and she said she didn't know anything different. That makes me sad for her and anyone else in that situation. Again, I would suggest seeking help from a life coach to help find new ways of looking at not only yourself and your habits, but also the world that you have chosen to be your life. That type of lifestyle is built on a very low self-esteem and high self-judgement.
Spending time with other people should be fun and something that you enjoy. If it isn't then you need to change yourself or the people that you spend time with. And just so that there is no misunderstanding - spending time means: together, in the same room, and engaged in conversation on topics of mutual interest.
In contrast to the last two examples, some people get so busy "doing" their life, that it slips out from under them. They spend their time doing what they think they are supposed to be doing, their job, their errands, etc., yet life is going on and they are not aware.
I had a client who was so busy that we could almost never schedule an appointment to talk. She lived in a different state, I was available 7 days per week and until midnight each night, and still we couldn't schedule an appointment time. Why? She worked, she had a young child and a boyfriend and..... it went on and on and on. Was it that she didn't really want help? Yes, I think so, to a point. But I also think that she didn't see that she had any alternatives to the way she was living and the choices she was making.
When ever I would suggest an alternative to something, no matter what it was, she would say that it would not work. As an example, she and her boyfriend had never had a discussion about how they were going to raise the child they had between them. As she described it they each did their own thing with the child and the kid was always crying and upset. I tried to explain that a child needs consistency, and that the two parents, who lived together in the same home, needed to be dealing with things in the same way, she said she couldn't talk to her boyfriend about things like that. She said it would take way too much time to go over with him what she was thinking and that neither of them had that kind of time.
She was very upset one day about something, I don't remember what right now because it was a no big deal issue in my opinion. It was a symptom of not having any communication between them. So I explained how to bring up a topic and have a conversation with your partner about something that is important to you. It took her a couple of weeks to build up the nerve to ask him to have that conversation. But when it did happen she was very pleased with the outcome.
Being checked-out of life because you are too busy living it is no excuse. That is nothing other than being ignorant of the details in order to try to move faster and faster hoping that the details will never catch up with you. Shortly after that conversation she had with her boyfriend we couldn't find a time to schedule another appointment and I didn't talk to her for months. Then she called rather frantic one day and asked for an emergency appointment.
It turned out that the emergency was simply things catching up with her. Things that would be obvious to those of us who were paying attention. Other people would have seen these things coming very easily. But she had not dealt with them, because she didn't know how, so she ignored them, until they were now a really big and important issue.
Back in the 1980's and 1990's there was a new thing that came about - Multitasking. Anyone who has ever worked a job that is fast-paced knows that multitasking was not a new thing then. But it got a lot of airtime as the thing that everyone has to be doing in order to be successful. Unfortunately, now all these years later, it seems that those who decided to adopt the lifestyle of multitasking constantly have lost control of their life in every way. It was a very poor cultural experiment that is still having severe ramifications all these years later.
If this example of being lost in your own life sounds like you, again I suggest that you find a life coach that can help you see your own value so that you can learn to slow down and carefully choose the things that are important to attend to each day. That is the way the rest of humanity runs their successful lives. When you try to do it all, nothing gets done effectively, and eventually your world will come crashing down around you. However, you can learn to set priorities, and live for the things that hold the most value, which should be yourself in the number one position, followed by close family member's needs, followed by your job responsibilities, etc.
When you learn to see yourself as important in your own life and the life of those you love, you will be able to change how you live your life. Your own value and how you either treasure it or ignore it is key to your success in all of life. When you love yourself as you feel that you love your most important loved one, you are finally on the road to emotional success, which will lead to success in every aspect of your life.
by Wendy Mae, Ph.D.
Academy of Spirit
The author of all blog posts on this page is Wendy Mae, Ph.D.
Academy of Spirit
PO Box 82854
Kenmore, WA 98028 USA
AcademyofSpirit (at) gmail.com
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