Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,
Many people seem to think that by self-care we mean that you should have a mani/pedi and/or full body massage every day. NO! It does not mean that you get to do only what you want to do every moment of every day. That is being totally ridiculous.
I can’t even imagine a life where that would be possible. We are not talking about being extravagant, we are simply talking about being thoughtful and aware of your own needs.
Most people, both men and women have been caught in the modern day thought that they have to push so hard that they break, and unless they are frayed and tattered they haven’t given enough. Wherever that idea came from, it needs to return to it, and never appear again. That is simply crazy, and no human can have a happy, joyful life if that is your measuring stick. In our effort to push way beyond where we are comfortable in order to serve a system that demands unhealthy things from every adult, especially those with children, we have crippled ourselves. We have become humans who ignore our inner feelings, intuition, and instead we tell ourself no we must push through and give more than is possible.
What are we teaching our children when we do that? We are teaching them that it is expected and allowed to beat ourselves up when we can't do the impossible, and that it is okay expect the impossible, and okay to criticize and demean when it is not accomplished. They watch us do that to ourselves, and they grow by imitating the adults that love and support them.
Sadly, in some cases depending on the priorities of the adult they are also teaching their child that the child is not their number one concern, instead other things get all of mom's attention, and the child gets a tiny bit left at the end of a very hard, tiring day. No child deserves that.
Turn your live around by making better choices with your time, and your personal decisions. You need to defend your right to make choices that are in your best interest and not allow yourself to be pushed too far by anyone, including your own negative self-talk. Taking the time to take care of you, your needs and the things that make you more pleasant makes you a better person to be around for everyone, your significant-other, your children, your co-workers, everyone who you come in contact with will benefit from you being in a better mood because you had some private self-care time.
Self-care is the mindful awareness that you have needs and that by taking the time to meet those personal needs you will be a much more pleasant person to be around. The needs we are talking about are simple: proper meals, bathing, sleeping, exercise, rest, relaxation, time with loved ones, at this point none of that is even considered slightly out of the ordinary.
Unless you are a busy mom with kids that want everything and a boss that seems to be the most demanding kid of them all. But even those difficult situations can be managed with properly set boundaries. Schedule time for you, in your schedule every day. Even a 15-minute "Me Break" to enjoy some nice music and a cup of coffee will change your attitude for the rest of the day.
Make taking care of YOU your priority and it will be one of the best gifts you could give to your family, and also to your employer. Yes, they may protest a bit when you first change your ways and set new rules and limits, but they will get used to it, and will very soon feel that there really is more of you to go around.
In today's crazy society where people need to be as strong as robots to keep with with the demands it is perfectly acceptable to use an relatively underutilized word that used to be fairly common in the English language: NO! Learn how to pronounce it and use it regularly, so that you have more time for you and the things that make you a more joyful person. You will see quite soon that the things you turned down were not worth having done in the first place, and you are actually very happy in the life you lead, with boundaries in place and being honored.
While self-care is not self-indulgence from the standpoint that it is too much or over the top, it is self-indulgence from the standpoint that you will feel like you have been taken care of, indulged, when you take the time to put yourself on your list of priorities.
by: Wendy Mae, Ph.D
Academy of Spirit
The author of all blog posts on this page is Wendy Mae, Ph.D.
Academy of Spirit
PO Box 82854
Kenmore, WA 98028 USA
AcademyofSpirit (at) gmail.com
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